To Ponyville and Back Again: A Brony Tale
by Prince of None
Summary: A diehard brony finds a portal to Equestria, he then discovers that he has become his OC and quickly realizes that, just like in our world, relationships are HARD.
1. Eureka

**A/N: Hiya, I'm Prince of None and this is my first MLP fic, and my first fic in general. I'm keeping the chapters short because I like to take baby steps when I write (plus it builds suspense, mwahaha), and all reviews are _super appreciated_. Rated M for language and a few lemons in the future. Unfortunately, it needs saying: I don't own any of the MLP names or anything, or the picture I used for the story. Now, let's jump right into it.**

**Chapter 1: Eureka**

Um…hi. I'm Zack, I'm 14 and have been a brony for a year or two and I absolutely love it, the show, the fandom, everything. I have blue or green eyes depending on Celestia-knows-what, my hair is a dark brown, it's kinda long and super-thick so I get a lot of comments about how it looks kinda like a Jew-fro and I usually just go with that, although I prefer to think of it as a Frodo-type thing. Anyway, let's get into the story which, incidentally, starts with me.

I'm in downtown Philadelphia (but I prefer to call it Fillydelphia), on my way back home from seeing Equestria Girls (10/10) when I pass the high school and notice the statue in the courtyard. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not the type of guy that goes around trespassing, but I figured, _hell, I may as well check it out_. I jumped the fence and I ran over to the statue, it's a stone Benjamin Franklin with a quill in one hand and the whole thing was on a podium with smooth, super-polished sides. I checked my hair in my reflection and glanced up at the full moon. _Let's hope this is my lucky day_, I thought before reaching out to touch the podium. My hand hovered in air millimeters away from the surface and I asked myself, _I am completely, batshit crazy, aren't I? Yes I am._ I answered myself. _Alright, let's dizzily-donezilly-do this._ And I plunged my hand into the stone; or what looked like stone, it felt like cold water. So, to recap, my hand is inside a statue and my brain is exploding. _Don't freak out, and don't have a nerdgasm. _I thought as I prepared to take the biggest leap of faith I've ever taken. _YOLOOO!_ I yelled in my mind as I ran through the portal.

I came out in a darkened room with a bluish paintjob and some paintings on the walls. _Ok Zack, don't freak out, don't freak out_, I tried to get up off of my hands and knees when I looked down and discovered I had no hands or knees. When I looked, all I saw was hooves. _…yep, I'm definitely freaking out._ I doubted anyone would be in there unless Twi came in to see if she can visit Flash Sentry, I thought. _Heh heh, Flash Sentry…_ Anyway, I need to get out of here and get to Ponyville pronto. According to the fanmade maps I've seen of the castle (and pretty much all of Equestria), I need to go out this door in front of me and take a left, but this seemingly simple task is complicated by two things: 1) I have no idea how to walk with hooves and 2) I'll probably be arrested and tried for trespassing. I attempted to pace around and fell on my face a few times. I finally established a rhythm of front-left, front-right, back-left, back-right. _Now I just need a guard's outfit or something so nopony is suspicious._ I walked up to the door and encountered another problem, I have no idea how to use my hooves. _Dammit! I did _not_ think this through, did I?_ I paced for another few seconds before stopping in front of my reflection in the portal/mirror. I made an earth-shattering discovery, I _am_ my OC, Brony Blast, same light green coat, same long, brown mane, same…horn. _FUCK YEAH, MUTHAFUCKA !_ _I gots a horn! Time to try some magic…_ I tried to open the door with a telekinesis spell and… hell yeah! I'm good at magic! Just like my OC!

I walked out of the portal room and into a dark hallway. The huge windows showed the night sky and overlooked… CANTERLOT. _Ho-lee shit._ _I am f'real in Equestria_. _This. Is. Awesome._


	2. Ponyville, ho

**A/N Me again! Wassup?...cool. Once again, please review and try to keep it constructive. Oh, I don't own MLP, in case you were wondering.**

**Chapter 2: Ponyville, ho**

Once again from my intense map studying I knew the castle pretty well; so I turned left and walked until I found a supply closet. Hoping that the same uncanny luck would befall me as in most TV shows and movies where supply closets are concerned, I opened the door as quietly as I could and slipped in. _Hell yeah, uniforms!_ I magiked some armor on and came out of the closet (teehee) into the hallway. I saw a guard turn the corner to my right but I was heading left so I trotted to the corner, but not before the other guard spotted me and shouted, "Hey! This is my sector! Where are you assigned to patrol?" I stopped and turned to him, I began to sweat but managed to say, "Um…I-uh…I'm new so I was just looking around to see if I could find anyo-er, anypony that could help me out. Do you know where I should be?" "As a matter of fact, I do. I didn't think the newbies were coming until tomorrow, though…" he said. "Um, well, yes and no. I'm here with half of them and the other half will be here tomorrow." I lied smoothly. "Oh, ok, well… what's your guard ID?" _ID? Like a card? Oh, I bet it's a serial number or something…_ "Um…1-74-03." I stuttered. "Really?" the guard asked incredulously, "you aren't even in this rotation, go to your quarters, newbie. Number 34 on the guard hall." "Oh, thank you, sir." I said. "No problem, kid." He said, "and I'm not 'sir', I'm Flash Sentry. Anyway, g'night." "Um… ok, good night." I said, and walked off into the castle. The trek through the immense castle was uneventful, save a few close calls with other guards and the awesome interior decoration. I was almost out of the east entrance when I remembered the guard's name, the one who helped me. Flash Sentry. _Ho-lee shit._ _Whatever, I just need to get out of the castle grounds so I can teleport to Ponyville._ The magical wards around the castle prevent anyone from teleporting in or out, save Celestia. Kind of a Hogwarts-type thing. Anyway, I finally made it into the Royal Garden where Fluttershy had her royal meltdown at the Gala. I sped my trot to a canter and then to a gallop as I prepared to jump the hedge at the edge of the garden, which marked the edge of the wards. I made the jump with ease _I'm physically fit, too? Awesome!_ And in my excitement, I forgot what was beyond the wards on the east side, air. _FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK…wait, magic…_ and I concentrated as hard as I could on Ponyville Town Hall and willed myself to go there, which wasn't difficult, seeing as I had wanted nothing more in my entire life than to go there. I closed my eyes and thought, _Teleport!_ When I opened my eyes again, I saw Town Hall in Ponyville. _BUCK YEAH!_ _I am _so good _at magic!_ It looked like Celestia had just gotten up to raise the sun, so nopony was awake yet. I began wandering around, taking in the scenery, saying _holyshitholyshitholyshit_ over and over in my mind at how _FUCKING AWESOME_ this is. After about 10 or 15 minutes (I don't have a watch and I can't see the clock tower) the shopkeeper ponies began to wake up so they could prepare for another day of business. Ok, so I have two options, I can either go to Sugarcube Corner to see Pinkie, or I can go to Sweet Apple Acres and see Applejack, because those are the two ponies I _know_ are awake. I decided on Sugarcube Corner, as that's the place that's more likely for the Mane 6 to meet. So I set off for Sugarcube Corner, and Pinkie Pie.


	3. It's All in the Delivery

**A/N Waddup guys. Here's chapter 3, in which things happen, the first lemon is coming soon so stay tuned! Legal disclaimer: I. DON'T. OWN. MLP.**

**Chapter 3: It's all in the delivery**

I approached the door of Pinkie's shop with caution, bracing myself for the explosion of excitement that was bound to occur when Pinkie saw a new stallion in her shop. After 10 seconds of mental preparation, I opened the door and walked into Sugarcube Corner. The first thing that hit me was the smell of the most delicious baked goodies imaginable, try to remember the smell of your mom's chocolate chip cookies just out of the oven (if she never made chocolate chip cookies, she didn't love you, nahjk) and multiply the amazing-ness of that smell by a billion; that's how awesome it smelled. The second thing that hit me was a bright pink pony who, in the space of me taking one whiff of the place, had jumped over the counter and galloped over to me. "Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! I-don't-know-you-what's-your-name-my-name's-Pinkie -Pie-oh-my-goodness-I-gotta-go!" she said before zooming upstairs. "Well, I guess I saw that coming." I muttered under my breath. "What was that dear?" I heard another voice say. Mrs. Cake walked out of the kitchen and called, "Pinkie? Pinkie? Where-oooh, you must be new around here." "Uh, yeah Mrs. Ca-um…Ma'am." I replied. "Did a pink earth pony run up to you, say some words really fast, and then run upstairs?" she asked. "Pretty much." I responded. "Oh, well that's just Pinkie Pie, she's a bit," "Energetic?" I supplied. "Exactly." Mrs. Cake confirmed. "Anyway, dear, I'm Cup Cake, but you can call me Mrs. Cake, my husband, Mr. Carrot Cake is in the back. We run this little place with some help from Pinkie. "Oh, cool. Nice to meet you, Mrs. Cake." I said, holding my hoof out. She took it and I felt some sort of grasp on my hoof, I tried to mimic her motion and felt my hoof take hers. _I have _no_ idea how that works._ I let go and she did the same. "I'm Brony, Brony Blast." I said. "Well it's very nice to meet you, Brony." She said.

"So, what can I do ya for, hun?" Mrs. Cake asked. _Shit, I don't have any bits. Maybe I can work here and earn some money._ "Well…I'm new in town and was wondering if you were looking to hire another pony. I'm kind of broke… and so, I'd be all kinds of happy to lend a ha-er, hoof." I said. "Oh, I don't think we need any more help, the kitchen's crowded enough as is… let me check, sweetie." She said, "Hey, hon?" Mrs. Cake shouted behind her. "Yes, dear?" I heard a voice that must belong to Mr. Cake respond. "Do we need any help around here?" She asked. "Uh…not in the kitchen. But wait, didn't Bon Bon say something about "wishing we delivered" or something of the like?" She asked Mr. Cake. "I think so…" he answered. _Wait is she about to make me a-_"Well, it's settled, you want work, we need a deliverypony, you're our deliverypony." Mrs. Cake said in a matter-of-fact tone. _She did._"Um…thanks! Just let me know when I start and my hours and stuff…" I said. Mrs. Cake suddenly became businesslike and said, "Well, you can start tomorrow, we're open sunrise to sunset, so just come in a couple minutes before the sun gets risen. We aren't open on weekends, so of course you don't have to come in then. I'll set your starting wage at 3 bits an hour and will adjust it according to how well you do and what I hear about our new delivery service." "Oh, uh cool. Great. Thank you." I said. _I still need a place to stay…_ As if she read my mind, Mrs. Cake asked, "Do you have a place to stay, hon?" "Um, not really…" I said, scuffing my hoof on the floor. "We have a guest room upstairs. You can stay there until you find your own place. But you'll have to pay for your own food and other necessities yourself, ya'hear?" She said, "Oh, of course! Thank you so much!" I said. _Everything is going better than expected._ _I have a home, a job, now maybe I can make some friends..._


	4. Introductions

**A/N Hey guys! Please enjoy chapter 4, in which Brony _finally_ meets the Mane 6. Don't forget to review! (I don't own MLP)**

**Chapter 4: Introductions**

I walked upstairs and down the hallway, passing Pinkie's room which had a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door, and into the guest room, my room. It was painted a beautiful sky blue and had a picture window on the far wall. There was a twin-size bed in the corner and a dresser next to it. _Sure is comfy, I'll pimp it out when I get some , this is so surreal…I live in Sugarcube Corner. With Pinkie Pie. In Equestria. Jeezus, this is so… awesome!_

Just then I heard a mare's voice call out downstairs, "Pinkie? Are you here?" I then heard another voice say, "Ah don' think she's here Twi." "Don't be ridiculous, we told her we'd meet her here." The first voice replied. _Oh my Celestia, is that who I think it is?_ "Pinkie! C'mon, we didn't invite you on a picnic for nothin'!" A third voice said. By now I was at the top of the staircase, finding it difficult not to gallop down at full speed. _Ok, hold yourself together, Brony, just walk downstairs nice and slow…_ I began descending the stairs when yet another voice called out, "PINKIE!" and a pink blur shot past me down the stairs and came to a halt just around the corner. "Oooh oooh, is it picnic time?" she asked? "Yes dear, it is. Now if we could be getting along, this picnic basket is quite heavy." I cantered down the remaining stairs and said, "Wait!" Just as I rounded the corner, I saw six mares, a unicorn with a purple coat and a like-colored mane with a pink streak in it, another unicorn with a white coat (that made her look like a marshmallow,) and elegantly styled purple mane who was carrying a picnic basket over her back, a pegusus with a yellow coat and a cute, pink mane, an earth pony with an orange coat and a dirty blonde mane who was wearing a Stetson, another pegasus with a bright blue coat and a rainbow colored mane, and finally the pink earth pony with the poofy, pink mane.

Time stopped. I almost pissed myself. On the outside I was like, 'meh', but on the inside I was like, _OMFGWTFASDFGHJKL! I AM LOOKING AT THE MANE 6. HOLY FUCKING MONKEY SHIT!THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE._ "Ummm, Pinkie, who is this?" Twilight Sparkle asked. "Uhhhh, I don't really know, I didn't ask." She replied. "Well then, who are you, new guy?" Rainbow Dash asked, "Are you a SPY?" _OMG, SHE ACTUALLY SAID THAT!_ "Um…er, well… I'm…Brony. B-Brony Blast." I managed to stutter. "Oh, well then," Twilight said, "I'm Twilight Sparkle, and these are my friends, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and I guess you already know Pinkie Pie.", gesturing to each pony as she said their name. "Uh, nice to meet you all." I said. "Hey, you should come with us, we can talk and we can get to know you further." Twilight said. _Holyshitholyshitholyshit, Twilight wants me to hang out with her and the others!_ "Is everyone ok with Brony tagging along?" She asked. "Yeah, he seems pretty cool." Dash said. "Sounds good tuh me." Applejack replied. "Oh of course, darling. The more the merrier." Rarity responded. "Yeah, it'll be FUN!" Pinkie answered. Twilight turned to Fluttershy, "What about you, Fluttershy? Are you ok with Brony coming with us on our picnic?" Fluttershy looked up at Twilight and whispered "Oh, oh yes, but… I mean," she looked towards me, "only if you want to…" "Yeah, whaddya say, Brony?" Dash asked. "Oh my Celestia, uh, yeah. Sure!" I said. "Great!" Twilight said, "Let's go." So the six mares turned and walked out of the store. "Have fun, dears!" Mrs. Cake called out after them. "Brony! Ya comin' or what!?" Rainbow Dash yelled. "Oh, I'm comin'!" I yelled back, and I galloped after them.


	5. The Picnic

**A/N Hey guys, sorry I'm late. Here's chapter numero cinco. Brought to you with help from my friend Tesla23. I'll try to get back to daily updates. And remember, kids, I don't own MLP. (And stay in school)**

**Chapter 5: The Picnic**

It was a beautiful day, I walked through Ponyville with the others, "Did you guys hear about DJ PON-3's new album?" Dash asked. "Vinyl came out with a new album?" I replied. "Yeah, it's called Bass Cannon, wait, you're into dubstep?" She said, "Yeah, I love it, my favorite artist is Alex S, though." I responded. Dash made a face, "Alex S, who's that?" _Oh, I forgot, no human references while I'm here._ "Oh, nopony, he's, um, my cousin. Cool stallion. Anyway, I need to go pick up Vinyl's album, where's the record shop around here?" I asked. "Oh, it's on Mane Street, if you turn left at Town Square and make a left at the next intersection, you'll see it." Dash answered. "Awesome, thanks." I said. _I'm finally getting some points in with Rainbow Dash._ "Well, it seems like you two are getting along better than two pigs in a mud pile." Applejack said. "Yeah, I guess." Dash said. I looked over to her and said, "I dunno, you seem pretty awesome." "Oh, thanks." She said, blushing. _I'm really good at this._ "So, where are we going?" I asked, "I'm getting kinda hungry." "I second that." Rarity said, "and this basket isn't getting any lighter." "Oh, why didn't you say something? I can get it." I said while magiking the basket off her back and onto mine. _Oh, this _is _pretty heavy. Oh well, I can deal with it._ "Oh, thank you _so_ much, darling. You are ever so kind." She said. "Oh, thanks Rarity, I just figured a lady like yourself shouldn't have to carry things when there's an able-bodied stallion around." I replied humbly. "Well that's very sweet of you." She said. "You're quite the sweet-talker, aren't you?" Twilight said. "Weeeel, I've been told I have a silver tongue." I said. "Whaaat!?" Pinkie said, "Lemmie see!" She then reached inside my mouth and pulled my tongue out to examine it. "Ah! Pih-y, leh go my tunh!" I yelled. "I don't see any silver." She said. "He means he's good at speaking, Pinkie!" Twilight said, trying to pry Pinkie off of my tongue. "Oh." Pinkie said, letting go. "Owww." I said, trying to fit my tongue back into my mouth. "Oh, we're here." Fluttershy said.

"Awesome." I said. "Let's set up right here." Twilight said, pointing to a spot under an oak tree. "Alrigh' then, Brony, if you would jus' set the basket down righ' here." Applejack said. Twilight opened the basket and magiked the blanket out and laid it down on the ground. Rarity then magiked the plates and food out onto the blanket. There was salad and sandwiches and apple cider and grape juice and a delectable assortment of baked goods that I can only guess came from Sweet Apple Acres. I noticed something though, _no meat. Goddammit! I forgot about the 'no meat' thing. Ugh. Oh well, I guess I don't really _need _meat seeing as I'm a horse…_ "Alright everyone, help yourself!" Twilight said. "Aww yeah!" Dash said, getting some salad and a sandwich. I grabbed a daffodil and wheat sandwich and hesitantly took a bite. _Damn, this is pretty good._ I took another bite. _I didn't notice how hungry I am._ "This is pretty good." I said after swallowing my mouthful of sammie. "Why thank ya, sugar." Applejack said, "The family and I made all the food this morning." "Awesomesauce." I said. "Awesomesauce? What does that taste like?" Rainbow Dash said. "Ha ha ha, nah. awesomesauce isn't a real sauce, it's just something I say." I chuckled. "Oh, cool. Mind if I start saying it?" She asked. "Not really, say whatever you feel like, y'know." I said cooly. "Awesome…sauce." Dash said. "Ha ha, exactly." I said. _Maybe I can try to get Dash alone and maybe ask her out or something…_ _actually, it'd probably be better to wait till I get some cash and get to know her better._

"So Brony," Twilight said, "How good at magic are you?" She asked. "I'm pretty good, but probably not as good as you." I said. "Let's find out." She said. _What!? Is she about to challenge me to a m- _"Magic Duel." She said. _Shit._ "Just a friendly competition, I've been needing some practice." She continued. _I'm boned._ "You up for it?" _I don't wanna look like a pussy, so…_ "Sure, let's do it"


	6. Magic Duel: Part 1

**A/N Pit: The fight is on! Me: Uh, yeah, it is...how did you get in here? Pit: I have no idea. I'm just gonna...go... Just don't forget to tell them you don't own MLP. *leaves* Me: Oookaay then. Anyway, here's the first part of the duel. I tried to collab with Tesla again, with him being Twi and me being me, but it got kinda...weird. Anyway, if you wanna check out the first version we came up with, go to this address- (s/9553536/1/the-Prince-of-None-To-Ponyville-and-b a ck-again-a-Brony-Tale) I might collab with him again once he figures out how the MLP universe works. I also gave him permission to branch the story off and do what he wants with it. Be sure to follow him and see if he does. If you made it this far without skipping to the story, brohoof /)**

**Chapter 6: Magic Duel: Part 1**

**Brony**

We stood about 10 yards apart in the field, the Mane 6 stood to the side, watching, waiting something to happen. "So, are there some rules to follow or something?" I asked. "Just one, we aren't going to be doing physical harm to each other or any other living being." She replied. _Alright, coolio. So, like a magical pissing contest. _

**Twilight**

"So, let's begin." I said in a confident voice. _My skills have greatly improved since the duel with Trixie. _"Fluttershy, is it possible that you could step up and assist me with completing this spell?" I asked. "Oh, umm...me?" She asked quietly. "Yes, you! I don't see any other Fluttershys around!" "Ummm...okay..." She said, and then quietly and hesitantly walked over to me. "Now in this spell, I will transform her physical appearance to one mimicking mine." A ghostly, purple aura cloaked my horn, shifting around it in many different forms. I concentrated on Fluttershy, focusing on the most minute details and on rearranging them in my mind. The lightly aura bounced from my horn to Fluttershys hooves. A cloud of dust surrounded her. The dust cleared, revealing a perfect copy of me. _That went better than expected._

**Brony**

I stared at the two Twilights before me. _Damn, she's good, although I think I can top that._ _Oooo, maybe an elemental spell. I could do an earth spell…maybe make a small plateau underneath me or something. Yeah, let's do that._ I leaned down and touched my horn to the ground, envisioning a mound of rock rising and pushing me up with it. After a second of concentration, I felt myself rising through the air. "Woaah." Dash said in awe. "Top that!" I yelled to Twilight, who was now 5 feet below me.

**Twilight**

_Huh, not bad. Alright, if he wants to use elemental magic, we can use elemental magic._ "I think I will top that." I yelled up to him. _I can try an air manipulation spell to hover up to him. Ha, that'll show him._ I concentrated on the feeling of the air. I become aware of every molecule of air around me, I then willed them to concentrate themselves underneath me. I jumped, but didn't land. I was standing on a cushion of air. _Excellent, now I just need to keep it going and float up to Brony._ I willed the atoms in the air to speed up, causing them to warm and to rise up about a foot above Brony. _That went well. This is going to be difficult to maintain, though. I need to kick his flank quickly._


	7. Magic Duel: Part 2

**A/N O hai guise. Yeah, it's been a while, sorry bout that. Futhermore, I just wanted to let you peoples know that I now livestream when I write the new chapters. I don't have a writing schedule so check in whenever you feel like here thatsqueakytwhitekid ****Please review! I read all of them. (Legal shit incoming!) I don't own MLP, dipshit.****I forgot that Twilight has wings in the previous chapter so I'm just gonna pretend that the last paragraph of chapter 6 never happened. Anyway, yeah, enjoy. **

Chapter 7: Magic Duel: Part 2

**Twilight**

I gazed at Brony, now high above me on a mountain of earth. _Damn, he's pretty good. Maybe I should up my game._ "How's the weather down there. Twi?" Brony shouted down. "Great!" I said back. _I've got it, a weather spell._ I concentrated on a swirling vortex of rain. The sky then opened up above Brony and released a torrent of rain on him. _Let's see how he likes the rain._

**Brony**

Within seconds I was soaked to the bone. _Dammit Twi. Stupid weather spells. _I used a negation spell and tried to ease the downfall. I nearly exhausted myself on the spell when I finally gave up. _Well, it appears I suck at weather spells. Damn._ _What do I do now? _

**Twilight**

I noticed Brony struggling to reverse the rain spell. "Having trouble there, Brony?" I shouted over the storm. "Yeah, a bit!" He yelled back. _Ha ha. He's no good at weather magic. Looks like I win. _"Give up?" I asked.

**Brony**

"Give up?" she asked. _Goddammit. I think I have to. _"Yeah. I guess." I said. I then dissolved the plateau and jumped down to her. I walked over to her and held my hoof out to shake. She took it in hers and we shook. "GG no re." I said. "What?" She said back. "Nothing, just a thing I say." I said. Twi and I walked over to the others and sat down with them in the grass. "That was ama-zing!" Pinkie said, "Twilight was all like, FWOOSH and then Brony was like, POOF and Twilight was like" "Pinkie, chillax." Rainbow Dash said. "That was pretty awesome you guys." Dash said. "Ah liked it when Brony made that mountain outta nothing." Applejack said. "Oh, thanks." I said, feeling a bit embarrassed. "I thought it was pretty cool too." Dash said. "Oh…um…thanks, I guess." I said, blushing now. "Well, let's not forget who won." I said, "Congrats, Twilight." "Thanks, Brony." She said, making a slight bow. _Not the most humble pony in Equestria, is she? _"You both did really well." Fluttershy said. "I quite enjoyed the show as well." Rarity added. "Well, I'm glad everyone was entertained." I said modestly. Let's head back to Sugarcube Corner. "Ooh ooh, I have an idea!" Pinkie said as we packed up, "We could have a sleepover!" She said excitedly. "That sounds like fun." I said. "What about you guys?" I asked. "Ah'm in." Applejack said. "Me too." Dash said. "I suppose I could come." Rarity said. "I'd love to." Twi said. "Oh, um…I don't know…sure, I'll come as well." Fluttershy said. "So it's settled," Pinkie said, "We can sleep in Brony's room, right Brony?" _Wait… I'm liking the direction this is going._ "Uh, yeah. Sure." I said while the wheels in my mind turned. "Great! Let's go!" Pinkie said. And she bounced ahead of us up to Sugarcube Corner.


	8. The First Night: Part 1

**A/N Yo yo yo, dawgs. Here's chapter 8. Shit's finally going down. I'm not gonna keep you guys waiting much longer for the lemon, so watch out for that, unless you aren't into that kind of shit. Anywhore, have fun reading and please review so I know what you guys like and don't like. OhandIdon'townMLPsodon'tsuemekthnxbi.**

**Chapter 8: The First Night: Part 1**

It was dusk by the time we got to Sugarcube Corner. The store itself was closed for business, but Pinkie had a key tucked away somewhere (Celestia knows where), so she opened the door and we all walked in. _Alright, how am I gonna pull this off? I need to find a way to get Dash alone with me, preferably after the others have fallen asleep…_ "Okie dokey lokey! I'll grab some tasty treats for us. You guys can go on upstairs." Pinkie said. "D'you need a ha-er, hoof Pinkie?" I asked her. "No, I got it, go ahead, Brony. I'll be right up and then we can get to the FUN!" She said while scooping thing up from the bakery racks and the fridge. _Okaaay then._ I walked upstairs after the others and we all filed into Pinkie's room. It was huge, bigger than the living room at my house, (which in and of itself isn't very big) and was lavishly decorated; with pink. Pink EVERYTHING. Imagine your little sister's room, but everything is pink(er). That's what Pinkie's room looked like. _Jeezus, this place looks like the fluffle puff pony exploded in here. _Now don't get me wrong, I love pink, it's my second favorite color, (after black) but this much pink is redonkulous. "So…pink." I said. "Yep." Dash said back. "I think we can all deal with Pinkie's interior decorating for the night." Twilight said. "I guess." Dash and I said. "Well, I think a bit of purple or green would do this place good." Rarity said. "Ah don' think ah can do this, girls." AJ said. I cleared my throat. "…and guy." Applejack added. "Thanks." I said. "There's jus too much pink…" She said. "But pink is GREAT!" Pinkie said as she burst into the room. _Woah, I gotta get used to that whole 'bursting in' thing._ I brought snacks!" She said. "Awesome." I replied enthusiastically. "Snackage is always appreciated, Pinks." Rainbow Dash said as she grabbed a soda from the pile. "Anyone have an idea for a game we could play?" Twilight asked. _Oh, I should suggest spin the bottle or some shit like that…_ I was just about to speak up when Rarity said, "Ooh, we could play 20 questions! I loved playing with you and Applejack during that storm a while back." _Damn._ "Sounds like fun." I said. "Yippie! Fun!" Pinkie said. "That sounds good." Fluttershy said. "Ah think it's a great idea." Applejack said. "Then it's settled, let's go. I'll think of something and then we can go around the room clockwise and you can try to guess what I'm thinking of. Remember you only have 20 questions, which is 4 for each of you." Twilight explained. We were already sat in a circle, starting from me and going clockwise, it was Me, AJ, RD, Pinkie, Fluttershy, Rarity, and then Twilight on my right. (**A/N If you feel like, try to guess what Twilight is thinking of before I tell you.**) "So Brony, you can go first." Twilight said. _Awesome, I should start broad and try to get more specific as we go on._ "It is alive?" I asked. "Nope. Applejack, it's your turn." Twilight said. "Alrigh' let's see…" Applejack thought for a minute then asked, "Can ya eat it?" "As a matter of fact, you can't." Twilight said. "Shoot. Alrigh' Dash, you're up." Rainbow Dash looked out the window for a second and said "Hmmmm…" until she asked, "Is it really big?" "Yes it is." Twilight responded. "Ooh, ooh, my turn!" Pinkie Pie said. "Is it bigger than Sugarcube Corner?" She asked. "Oh yes, much bigger." Twilight answered. "Your turn, Fluttershy." Twilight said. "Oh, um… is it bigger than Ponyville?" "What? What could she be thinking of that's bigger than Ponyville?" Dash said. "Bu-, I don't know, maybe a-." Fluttershy started, but was interrupted by Twilight saying, "Yes, much bigger than Ponyville." She said. "Oh." Dash said, surprised. "Over to you, Rarity." Twilight said, looking to her. "Oh, ok. Is it bigger than Equestria?" She asked hesitantly. "What!?" Applejack shouted, "What on Earth could it be that's bigger than Equestria?" "Maybe it isn't on Earth, Applejack." Rarity retorted. "Alright, let's find out. Is it bigger than Earth?" I asked. "Indeed it is." Twilight said. _It must be pretty huge, maybe a celestial body? _ "Alright, so it's in space. Is it the sun?" Applejack asked. "…kind of?" Twilight said back. "Whaddya mean, 'kind of'?" Dash asked. "Well, figure it out. By the way, that counted as your turn, Rainbow Dash." "Ugh." Dash said, "It's all yours, Pinkie." "Is it… a star?" She asked. "Why yes it is, Pinkie. Nicely done." (**A/N So, didja guess it? Ha ha, I bet not. Nah, jk.**) Twilight said, surprised. "Yay! I won!" "Hey, let's crank the tunes and play again." I suggested. "Sounds good, Brony" Rainbow said, pulling out what looked like an iPod. _Dammit, Apple. Even in Equestria…_


	9. The First Night: Part 2

**A/N Hey, pony peoples, are you guys and gals ready for this extra-punny chapter? Yes? Good. Before you start, a few quicky updates: 1) I have a FB now, go like it up here pages/Prince-of-None/582031748507223 and 2) Check my buddy Mikuru out as well here MLPherd and 3) The next chapter will be PURE LEMON so if you aren't into that, don't read it. I don't own MLP (or Kiss (Don't ask)). Laterz.  
**

**Chapter 9: The First Night: Part 2**

"Wow, Rainbow Dash, you got the iPony 7?" Fluttershy asked. "Yep, just came out last week. And since I'm a loyal zapApple customer, I got it 50 bits off." _Oh, Celestia, it can't be._ Dash responded haughtily. "So it only cost you 750 bits?" Twilight said. "Uh, well…yeah. It's a great deal, though!" Rainbow Dash said defensively. "I think it's overpriced, that's why I buy Pondroid products." Twilight said. _Are you fucking kidding me? The Apple vs Android war is here too!? Goddammit. I can deal with it for Rainbow Dash, though. _(**A/N Android FTW.**) "Ah don't give a hoot about no fancy doo-dads, jus turn some music on, Rainbow." Applejack said. Rainbow Dash glared at Twilight and said, "Fine, I got some rock like Linkin Pegasus and Green Hay. Some rap, Snoop Diamond Dawg," "I was under the impression that he was Snoop Dragon now." Rarity said. "Whatever," Dash continued, "Some pop, Katy Pony, Nicki Marenaj, other stuff…" _Oh, Celestia, these musicians just sound like stupid pony-puns some shitty fanfiction writer came up with…_ (**A/N Haha, fuck you 4****th**** wall.**) "Let's just do some PegaKiss. Everybody likes PegaKiss, right?" Dash asked." There were 6 "Yeah."s heard, so Rainbow Dash swiped and tapped away on the iPony until I heard a very familiar song.

'You show us everything you've got  
You keep on dancin' and the room gets hot  
You drive us wild, we'll drive you crazy  
You say you wanna go for a spin…'

_Wait, what? Is Pega…Kiss…oooohhh. Awesome. I friggin' love this song!_ I was bobbing my head

to the beat while the second game of 20 questions began.

_This is awesome. I'm in Sugarcube Corner, in Ponyville, in Equestria, surrounded by the Mane 6, playing 20 questions like we've been friends for years. And this is only the first day. I start work tomorrow, but I have plans for tonight… _I grabbed a brownie and a soda from the pile of snacks Pinkie brought. _This is the life._

*A Few Hours Later*

"I'm boooored." Rainbow Dash said. We were all laid about the room munching on snacks and sipping our sodas. "Well let's do something, then." Twilight said. _Oh shit, here's my chance._ "Uh, I have an idea for a game we could play…" I said. "And what game would that be?" Dash asked me, still not looking up. "Well, it's called 7 minutes in heaven." I said slowly. "7 minutes in heaven, what is tarnation is that?" Applejack asked. _They haven't heard of 7 minutes in heaven? Huh. Might as well explain it to them._ "7 minutes in heaven is a pretty common party game where I come from. It pretty much goes like this: All the players sit in a circle and there's an empty bottle in the center. Somepony spins the bottle and they have to go in the closet for 7 minutes with whomever the bottle opening points to. You can do anything you want in the closet, but you only have 7 minutes." I said. "That sounds a bit, odd." Fluttershy said. "Well, I mean, it's completely platonic, there's no real harm in it. You girls are all pretty close friends, right?" "Of course." Twilight said. "Well, I have a bottle right here. You guys in?" I asked. "Sure, sounds kinda cool." Dash said. "Alright, I may as well learn about this game through experience." Twilight replied. Rarity thought for a while, then said, "Oh, I may as well. There can't be any real harm in it." "Ah guess ah'll play." Applejack said. "Sounds like fun to me!" Pinkie said. Fluttershy was a bit hesitant, "Oh…um…well…I guess. We have been friends for quite a while." She said. "Coolio. I'll go first." I said, grabbing the bottle and spinning it. It spun for a few seconds, _C'mon, c'mon… please let it be Rainbow Dash…_ until it came to a halt…on Rainbow Dash. _FUCK YEAH! Alright, don't fuck this up, Brony._


	10. 7 Minutes

**A/N Sup. The lemon is finally here! It's a tad short (giggidy) but deal with it. This is my first lemon so tell me how I did in a review or a PM. I don't own MLP.**

**Chapter 10: 7 Minutes**

"So, uh, do we like…go now?" Dash asked me. "Uh, yeah." I replied. I broke out in a nervous sweat and I felt myself get aroused. _Damn, I didn't notice that thing until just now. It's huge. Sweeet._ My mind raced as I got up and walked with Rainbow to the closet. _Oh shit I'm gonna fuck this up._ "Twilight said behind us, "Alright, time starts now." "Cool, let's go." I said. I opened the closet door and Dash practically pulled me in. "Wha-?" I started but stopped when the door closed behind me. "I was gonna wait till after everypony was asleep, but this works too." She said. _I'm getting legit hard right now, but I'm liking where this is going. I think I'll just go with it for right now. _

"I kinda planned it this way…" I said. "Great." She replied before shoving me over and taking my entire cock in her mouth. _Holy shit! I don't even…oh…yeah…_ She was either a natural or had done this before... She removed my member from her mouth and placed her tongue on the base, slowly moving upwards until she reached the tip. She then resumed sucking, slowly, but speeding up incrementally. I was beyond thought at that point, I was too far gone in a world of pure ecstasy. After a few more seconds, Rainbow began sucking my stallionhood faster than I thought possible, her tongue coiling and uncoiling around my member as she went. I felt pressure building and the realization that I was reaching climax pulled me out of my state of subconscious bliss into full awareness. I could feel every amazing sensation radiating from my cock as the mare with the rainbow mane grazed it with her tongue while sucking in such a way that I thought I would cum at any second. "Oh, Celestia…Rainbow. You…are…amazing…I moaned in pleasure. The pressure in my stallionhood could build no more. As if sensing this, Dash released my cock right as I blew my load. The warm cum splattered onto her face and she lustfully licked it off. "Holy fuck, Rainbow…" I said, "You are amazing…" She stared into my eyes with a look of pure passion. "Don't think you're getting off that easy." She said, before laying down and spreading her legs, revealing her perfect, pink marehood. "I…I….." I stuttered. _Should I do this? I don't even have a condom or whateves. But she seems like she really wants it…I just…*sigh* I can't do this._ "I'm sorry, Rainbow, I can't do this. I don't have protection and we just met and I think we should wait until we really get serious. I want it as bad as you do, but we really should wait." I said. Dash looked at me silently for a few seconds. I swear I saw a tear in her eye, but it might have been nothing. "Ok, cool. Fine. Yeah. Whatever." She said. I was about to ask her out on a date but was interrupted by Twilight yelling, "Time's up!" and opening the door.


	11. We Come out of the Closet

**A/N Contrary to popular belief, I'm not dead. Chapter 11 is finally here, and let me say, IT'S ABOUT TO GO _DOWN_. Review plz. Oh, and look me up on Facebook if you feel like so you can get a heads-up on when I'm updating and maybe participate in polls for when I can't decide what to do next. I also don't own MLP.**

**Chapter 11: We Come out of the Closet**

_Well, this is awkward. _Twilight and the others stared at us as we walked out of the closet and back into the real world. The moment of weird, sexual tension was gone, replaced by awkwardness and shame. _I need to cover our asses. I'll just suggest we all hit the hay. Heh heh, literally…_ _Damn, even in my mind I laugh at my own shitty jokes._ "Hey you guys, it's getting kinda late. We should probably go to sleep." I said, refraining from using my not-funny-at-all joke. "Uh, yeah. We probably should." Dash agreed. _I hate everything. I shouldn't've been such a perv and just waited until I could actually have a legit relationship with Rainbow. Ugh, I feel like such an asshole! FUUUUCK! I guess this is what it feels like when you wake up naked next to a complete stranger. At least I don't have to do the walk of shame… _"Yeah, we should go to bed." Twilight said, conjuring 6 sleeping bags. Rarity got the lights and the mares climbed into their bags, Pinkie hopping onto her bed. "I'm actually gonna go sleep in my room." I said to nopony in particular. I cast a nightvision spell and trotted to the door, opened it as quietly as I could, walked out into the hall, and magiked the door closed as I went into my room. I ended the nightvision spell and climbed into my bed. _How the hell do you lay down as a horse? Horses in my universe sleep standing, how do they sleep? _I finally got comfy on my side with my hooves tucked close to my body. I closed my eyes and waited for sleep. After a second, or hours, (you can never know when you're in that place between waking and sleep,) I was whisked away into a dream.

I was in what looked like the realm, or dimension, or whatever-type-place that Twilight was taken to by Princess Celestia at the end of Magical Mystery Cure, when Twilight was made an alicorn. Except one difference, the floating screen-things weren't displaying scenes from Twilight's memory, they were displaying scenes from _my_ memory. "What the hell's going on here!?" I shouted into the nothingness. "We needed to talk to you." I heard a voice say. _The fuck? I swear I know that voice…_ "Show yourself!" I yelled in the direction of the voice. Two alicorns materialized about 10 yards in front of me. "Uh…" was all I managed to say as I faced the twin princesses. I regained my sense after a few moments and bowed and said, "Princesses." "You are no subject of ours, thusly you are not required to bow." Luna said. I rose and said, "But princess I-." "There is no reason to lie to us," Celestia said, "we know you are not of this world." _Well shit. Oh fuck, what if they make me go back? I don't wanna go!_ (**A/N All the Whovians just had a feel-splosion. Sorry guys, couldn't resist.**) "You do not have to leave if you do not wish to. In fact, we need you, Zack." Luna said. _Did she just read my mind?_ "In a way, yes." Luna answered. "Seeing as you are in a dream, I can see your thoughts, memories," she gestured toward the screens, "and emotions. I endeavor not to pry too deep, though." "That's… kinda weird…" I said. "It is, but just roll with it." Celestia said. "Uh, ok." I said. "So, why do you need me?" I asked. "It's a long story." Celestia said. "Like how long?" I asked. "Long enough to be a chapter in a human fanfiction." Celestia answered.


	12. Shit Gets Real

**A/N Here's a super-long chapter, where I'm _finally_ getting the main story going. Tell me how I did in a review and bear in mind that I do not own MLP. Brace yourselves, guys.**

**Chapter 12: Shit Gets Real (or alternatively, A Chapter in a Human Fanfiction)**

"Ok, just lay it on me, then." I said. "I will. You are, no doubt, aware of the nature of the portal that brought you here?" Celestia asked. "Yeah. Duh." I said. "Well, you may have noticed that the school where you found the portal looks nothing like the Canterlot High that Twilight told me about. This is curious, seeing as we originally thought that there was but one portal between worlds. In fact, there are 14." Celestia explained. "Wat?" I said blankly. "You heard me, 14 portals, scattered across the human world." She said. "So, there's not one portal, but 14?" I asked incredulously. "Yeah, that's what I just said. Are you listening?" Celestia asked. _Ok, mindfuck in progress. So, 14 portals all around my world…weird._ "Are you!?" She asked again. "Wha- oh, yeah. Of course." I said. "He is not giving you his full attention." Luna said to her sister. _Ugh, if she wasn't best princess I would kick her in the throat. That fucking mind reading is annoying as hell._ "Well I believe you can deal with it." Luna addressed me. _Oh shit._ "My apologies, Princess." I said. "I am in no way offended. I, however, must apologize for reading your mind when it wasn't necessary." She said. "Oh, uh… I forgive you, Princess." I said cautiously. "If we can return to the matter at hand," Celestia said, "the reason we need you is because helpless humans are wandering into Equestria." "Is that bad? Cuz I love it here." I said. "Yeah, it is bad. You are the exception to the rule, as it happens. But we'll get to that later. It is bad because when a human meets his or her pony counterpart, the shock of the experience fries their brains. They both either die or become vegetables." She said. "Well shit. But you still haven't told me why _I'm_ important!" I said impatiently. "By Starswirl's beard, calm down. I'm getting to that." She said. _Finally._ I glanced furtively at Luna. Nothing. "Now, I'm about to drop a lot on you, brace yourself." _Wait, what?_ "What do you mean?" I asked. "I mean, you are unique." She said. "And by that you mean…?" I asked. "You are the only pony without a human counterpart." She replied ominously. _Ooookay. Wait what?_ "Don't you mean the only _human_ without a _pony_ counterpart?" I asked slowly. The princesses looked at me softly. I think Luna had a tear in her eye. "What the hell are you looking at me like that for?" I asked. "No, Zack, I meant what I said. You are a pony from birth." She said. My brain then took a second to explode. "Wait, you mean that…I'm not human…?" I said as I teared up. Luna nodded. "Oh God, or… oh Celestia…I can't even…" I managed to say before breaking down and collapsing on the ground, or cloud stuff, or whatever the fuck it was. After a few seconds, I had a thought. "Wait…prove it." I said. _There's no way I'm actually a pony, I would've remembered._ Celestia gestured towards one of the screen-things. On it was an image of a tiny, light green foal with a patch of brown hair on its head. The foal was being held by a middle-aged-looking mare with a forest green coat and a blonde mane. I instantly felt attracted to her. Not sexually, but emotionally. I felt like she was the center of my world…like she was my…mom. _Oh God, no…no no no no no. No no no! NO! This isn't happening…this can't be real.I can't…_ The mare onscreen began to speak, "You'll be called Sacrifice. Because that's what you are and what you'll always be." Suddenly, two burly stallions burst into frame and took the foal, leaving the mare on the ground, sobbing. _What? I don't… _"What was that?" I asked. Luna looked at me and said, "It was your birth, Sacrifice." _Wait…Sacri-fice… my human name is Zachary Fixe (FY-cks), it all makes sense now…wait, no it doesn't._ "Why was I a sacrifice? Why did I have to go to the human world? Who were those stallions working for? And, where's my dad?" I asked rapidly. "Here let's rewind a bit," Celestia said, "your mother was a prostitute when she met your dad. He hired her, she did her thing, but your dad came back, night after night. It wasn't only sex that he wanted, he wanted companionship. He would hire her just to talk. Eventually, your mom, her name was Sparkle Dance, gave up her job and married your dad, Green Grass. Unfortunately, Green Grass became unemployed a few days after your conception. He worked at a lab in Manehattan where they tested spells used for inter-dimensional travel. They created the mirror. They wanted a test subject and found one, you. Your parents needed the money, they could barely support themselves, let alone you. You were tossed through after they charmed you to read life signs and such. They saw that it worked, and abandoned you. You were found by Elora Fixe and she raised you. The reason you don't have a doppelganger is because you went through the portal so early, whatever force that governs the mirrors didn't have time to see if there was two of you, so it just saw you in two worlds and that was good enough." She finished with a sigh. "Ok, I just have one more question. What do I have to do?" I asked. "Close the portals. You are the only one who can do the spell to close them." She said. "Cool, sounds easy enough, 14 portals across the human world, close 'em up and everything's hunky-dory." I said cooly, while I was crying and huddled in the fetal position inside. "I sure hope it is." Celestia said. "Oh and, good morning." Luna added.

I woke in my room in Sugarcube Corner, sunlight streamed in the window and I could hear the Mane 6 talking down the hall. _And so our story begins._


	13. Baked Goods: Part One

**A/N Hey peoples, sorry about the hiatus. To make up for it, here's a chapter! YAY! Please review and if you like rock music, check out my friend's band on reverbnation, just search up I Forgot (they're the second result) and if you like the Maze Runner series, my friend Tesla is working on a fic about that over here /s/9659880/1/The-Ashen-Earth-The-Maze-Runner (put that bit after the .net). I don't own MLP, so don't go suing my ass.**

**Chapter 13: Baked Goods: Part 1**

I looked out the window into the sunrise, Ponyville was just waking up. _Oh, sunrise, I should probably get downstairs and report for duty._ I hopped out from under the covers and landed on my hooves. _I'm getting good at being a pony._ I trotted quietly down the hall as to not wake the others, who were still asleep. I descended the staircase and walked into the store proper, where I saw Mrs. Cake with a pile of stuff. "There ya are hun." She smiled. "This is the things you'll need for today." She said. "Here's your satchel, a map, and your first delivery." She said, handing me a bag, a piece of paper, and a box with a note on it. I glanced at the note, it was actually a receipt. It said:

_Name: Lemon Drop_

_Order: One dozen cupcakes_

_Address: 15 Mane Street_

_Amount Due: 12 bits_

"That's everything, dear." Mrs. Cake said, "Now go on and skedaddle." _Alright, let's go._ I stuffed everything into the satchel and exited the shop. I magiked the map out and glanced at it before replacing it. _Jeez, the maps I've seen online are spot-freaking-on._ I turned left and started towards my first house.

I arrived about 5 minutes later without getting lost. _Alright, 15 Mane Street, here we go._ I walked up to the door and rang the bell. I heard hoofsteps getting closer until a sunshine-yellow mare opened the door. "Hey, whaddya want?" She asked. "Oh, uh, I have your cupcakes, ma'am." I stuttered. _She is gorgeous. _She had a long, platinum blonde mane and stunning, violet eyes. _Why do all the mares in this town have to be so damn pretty?_ "Oh, cool. Just hoof them here." She said softly. I opened the satchel and magiked the box into her outstretched hoof. "Thanks, how much do I owe ya?" She asked, setting the box on a side table and reaching into her purse. "Uh, 12 bits, ma'am." I responded. "Alright, here ya go." She flashed a half-smile and gave me 15 bits. "Oh, no ma'am, it's only 12." I said when I noticed the extra. "That's your tip, sweetie, for being so cute." She said with a hint of sultriness in her voice. _Well then…_ "Um, thank you ma'am, i-it was pleasure meeting you." I said before putting the money into the satchel and cantering off, back towards Sugarcube Corner. _Damn, she was hitting on me. That's kinda weird...whatever. Mrs. Cake probably has 4 more deliveries lined up for me._

She didn't have 4 deliveries, but she had 2. "Here's the orders and receipts. Go get 'em." She said. _Huh, I could get used to this. I get to meet new ponies and I get some exercise as well._ First up: Haywood Leaves at 26 Timberbane Road, who ordered a box of brownies. _Let's geerone. _I cantered the 8 blocks to Haywood's house and walked up and rung the doorbell. It took a solid 20 seconds, but the door eventually opened, framing a brown-coated, long, dusty blonde-haired unicorn stallion. "What's up, dude?" He asked. His eyes were so squinted I was surprised he could see and his speech was a bit slurred. I could distinctly smell an aroma I was a tad familiar with wafting out the door. _Smells like...weed. Huh, looks like I've met a stoner pony._ I wasn't a stoner as a human, but I didn't object to the occasional blunt when I was hanging out with some friends. "I got your brownies, bro." I said. "Word." Hayward said. I opened the satchel and magicked the brownies into the air, he grabbed them with his magic and set them inside. "Thanks dude." He said, holding his hoof out to me. I brohoofed him and said, "That's 10 bits dude." "Word," he said and gave me 16 bits. _That's an insane tip._ "Hold up dude, it's only 10." I said. "Nah, bro, I'm just expressing my gratitude monetarily." He said. "Oh, cool, later." I said slowly before storing the bits in my bag and walking off. I checked the next receipt, _Next up, Frozen Lakes on Pine Tree Boulevard._ The sun was nearing the center of the sky and I was getting hungry. _I'm gonna grab a bite after this delivery._


	14. Baked Goods: Part Two

**A/N The rest of my first working day. Show some love for the fic by reviewing, faving, following, or any combination of the three. I love you all in a completely platonic way! **

**P.S. The word count, excluding the A/N, was 666. Just felt like sharing.**

**Chapter 14: Baked Goods: Part 2**

As I made my way to the next house (Thunder Clap, 4 Horseshoe Road) I thought about the previous night. _Man, that BJ was insane; but I really need to make sure I don't get sucked into Rainbow Dash's 'fuck buddy' relationship and instead try to make a legit bond thing between us. _I turned left and checked that I was still on track.I then had another thought, _How am I gonna do that while I'm on some fucking quest to destroy all these portal things? Should we go together? I wonder if she'd be up for that...I dunno. Maybe I could bring the others as well. That might get complicated, though. Too many distractions and stuff. Plus, too many ponies to walk into me and Dash's 'personal time'. I really have no idea. What if Celestia forbids them from accompanying me? That would _suck_. Damn. So I guess my mom isn't human and is instead a pony. That's weird. And what was the 'force' that governs the logic and stuff of the portals? It has to be a consciousness, otherwise it would've figured out that there wasn't two of me. It can't be an omniscient consciousness, either then; for the same reason. Which rules out God, or any god, for that matter. I wonder if there are any non-omniscient gods? (_**A/N If there are, tell me in a PM or something. Please.**) _What if it's a human or something…? That'd be _super _weird. _I realized that I'd walked a block past my destination during my musings. I backtracked and approached the front door.

I knocked and the door was opened a few seconds later bya middle-aged-looking stallion. I handed _(hoofed?) _him the cake he ordered. "Thanks, son." Thunder said. "You're welcome, sir." I glanced at the receipt and said, "That'll be 14 bits, sir." "Of course, one moment please." He said and walked into his home, most likely in search of his wallet. He returned about 15 seconds later with a coin purse in his mouth. He set it down on a side table and rummaged through it. He finally got ahold of the bits and dropped them into my outstretched hoof. "There you are." He said. "Thanks, sir." I replied, and magicked the bits into my pouch. "Have a nice day." I said in farewell as Thunder closed the door. I saw him wave through the crack in the closing door. _He was a cool guy._ _Ok, I'm gonna run back and tell Mrs. Cake that I'm going on lunch break._ So I did. I cantered to Sugarcube Corner to see a line of 9 ponies at the counter. _Damn, is it always like this at lunchtime?_ I managed to get to the counter to notify her of my break. "Hey, Mrs. Cake, I'm gonna take my lunch break. Is that ok?" I asked over the chatter. "Of course, just be back in an hour, we have some orders piling up. I'm surprised we have so many deliveries for you on your first day." She said. "Me too." I agreed. And with that, I turned and headed to the café on Mane Street. _I really hope I have another dream tonight and the princesses explain what the _fuck _I have to do in more detail._

I arrived at the café and ordered a chocolate chip frappé and some hay fries. _Not an ideal lunch, but tasty and cheap._ There was a sundial in the patio where I was eating and when I checked the time after finishing my food, I found that it was about 3 pm. _Awesome, seeing as it's fall, and assuming that Celestia raises and lowers the sun at the same times as the sun rises and sets in the human world, I only have 4 more hours of work._ I returned to Sugarcube Corner and got 3 more deliveries. _I'm liking my job. _I thought as I sped off to my next delivery.


	15. Shit Gets Even More Real

**A/N Moar story! Read it, or I'll take your soul...wait...wrong show. Anyway, please review!**

**Chapter 15: Shit Gets Even More Real**

_My Celestia, that was exhausting._ I walked up the stairs in Sugarcube Corner at about 7:30 pm, tired, but otherwise fulfilled. I made 13 bits from tips plus my 36 bit wage. _49 bits, not bad for my first day. _According to the calendar in the store proper, it's Wednesday, the 23rd of October. _Nightmare Night's coming up soon. I wonder what I should go as… Oh, I almost forgot about Pinkie's Nightmare Night party. _During my deliveries, I ran into Pinkie, who was passing out invitations to her party. She gave me one and sped off whilst I returned to my work. _I may just go as a zombie pony, that'd be cool. _I walked into my room and slipped into my bed. _Hey, princesses, I'd love another dream where you tell me what the fuck to actually _do _about these portals. _I fell asleep and began to dream.

I was back in Celestia's realm. The screens showed my human memories, as well as some pony ones that I couldn't remember. Princesses Celestia and Luna stood before me and I bowed. "Princesses." I said humbly. "Sacrifice." Celestia addressed me. For whatever reason, my blood boiled at being called by my birth name. "Princess, if you would be so kind, please call me Brony or Zack. I dislike being called Sacrifice." _You fucking bitch._ "Watch thy tongue." Luna reprimanded. Tia disregarded her and said, "I'll keep that in mind." She said. "Anywho, I've asked Luna to help bring you here so that we can better explain your quest." _Thank Celestia. Heh, literally._ "Many thanks, Princess. I've been curious to learn more of my task." I said. "Well, here's the you know, there are 14 portals scattered across the human world, your mission is to find and close these portals. The spell to close these portals can only be performed by you, as you have no human double." Tia said. "Ok, but how do I _do _that spell?" I asked. "You must concentrate all your spirit on the portal and simply will it to close. The spell will leave you extremely drained, so be cautious." She explained. _That's it? Nice. The hard part is finding the portals._ "I have another question, can somepony come with me?" I asked. "You speak of Rainbow Dash, do you not?" Luna asked, "I have sensed your longing for and attraction to her." "Yeah, I'm talking about Rainbow. I would really like a partner...on the quest, that is." I said. "She seems like she may be a distraction, though." Tia said. _Damn, she'll need some convincing._ "But I doubt that I'll be able to do it all on my own." I said. "Precisely," Celestia said, "that's why I'm sending my student, Twilight Sparkle, with you. She has knowledge of the human world and a strong grasp on the magic of friendship. She is a fitting companion." Tia finished. "But, what if we need to use the Elements of Harmony, we'll need all six of them for that." I argued. "Yes, this is true…" Celestia said with an air of thought. _C'mon...c'mon… just say it's ok…_ After a second, Yia turned to Luna. "What do you think, sis?" She asked. Luna thought for a second and leaned in to whisper to Tia. "Ok, that makes sense." Celestia said. I heard a voice in my head. _"I have convinced her to allow the others to accompany you on your quest. I understand how much you care for Rainbow Dash."_ Luna thought to me._Thank you._ _"You are welcome."_ "Celestia turned back to me and said, "You will be accompanied on your quest by Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash. You will come to Canterlot the day after tomorrow to be briefed, you will depart on your journey the day after that. Understood?" Celestia asked. "Yes, your Majesty." I responded, bowing. "Good. I must now go and raise the sun." I shall expect you on the first train to Canterlot, Friday morning." She said. And with that, my dream began to recede into the distance, until it was a speck at the farthest reaches of my vision, then I woke up.


	16. Follow Me

**A/N Wassup, peoples? You're reading the author's note for chapter 16 of To Ponyville and Back Again: A Brony Tale. Good for you. Review pls.**

**Chapter 16: Follow Me**

I woke up, went downstairs, grabbed a coffee and donut from Mr. Cake, got 2 deliveries from Mrs. Cake, and headed out into Ponyville. _Well, at least I got an explanation. Now I just need to ask the others if they wanna come with me on a ridiculously long and possibly life threatening quest. That'll go well. _I made my first round of deliveries and decided to go to Twilight's house. As I walked, I contemplated how to phrase it so that I could sound not crazy. _Well ya see Twi, I need to go on a quest into the human world to close the interdimensional portals like the one in the castle...how do I know there's one in the castle? I'm actually from the human world...yeah, no, I don't go to Canterlot High...ugh, even in my head I can't explain it!_

I arrived at the library and knocked. The door opened almost immediately and I saw Spike in the doorway. "Uh, hey, is Twilight here?" I asked the baby dragon. "Yeah, she's upstairs reading." He said, "I'll go get her." "Thanks." I said. "Twilight!" Spike yelled into the ceiling. "Yes, Spike?" I heard a muffled voice reply. "We have company!" He shouted back. "I'll be right there." Twilight responded. She came down the stairs and stopped halfway when she saw me. "Oh, Brony...hi." She said slowly. _She obviously remembers the sleepover._ "Twi," I started, "whatever you saw at the sleepover, it wasn't what it looked like, I'm not that kind of stallion. I actually came to ask you for help." "Help? With what?" Twilight asked. She descended the rest of the stairs and walked up to me. "On a quest." I said soberly. "A quest? What kind of quest?" She asked, her expression growing more and more puzzled. "Hold up a sec, guys. I think we've got mail." Spike said, and with that, he belched out a letter in a puff of emerald fire.

Twilight grabbed the letter in the air and unfurled it. "It's from the princess." She said, and she began to read. As her eyes darted back and forth, they grew larger and larger until I thought they would fall out of her skull. Twilight finally finished reading and looked to me with an expression of wonder and confusion. "Uh...what's with the look?" I asked slowly. "The princess explained everything." She said, "The portals, the quest, and you…" _What? Did the princess tell her I'm human?_ "So...you know that I'm…?" I started, "Human." Twilight finished for me, "Yes. I know." "So, you aren't freaked out?" I asked. "No, of course not. I've met humans before, they aren't bad." She said. _Hm, I guess she never went to history class at Canterlot High. Humans are definitely _not _not bad. _"Well, that's cool. So, here's the million bit question: Will you come with me?" I asked her. Twilight looked me right in the eye and said, "Of course I will!" Her face lit up, "It'll be an adventure and a learning experience!" I stared at her blankly. "Oh, awesome! So, you'll tell the others, right?" I asked. "Actually, I was gonna invite them all over later tonight, after your shift, and we can explain it to them." She said. _That's not a bad idea…_ "Sounds like a good idea. I'll see you at 7:30 tonight." I said and returned to work.

It was sunset. I had just finished my last delivery and was counting my tips while on my way back to the library to give the other 5 mares the lowdown. _I really hope they don't freak out, especially Fluttershy._ _What if Dash doesn't wanna come with me? That would _suck_. She probably will, though, she's an adventurous pony._ I turned the corner and saw the library. _Welp, here we go._ And I walked up to the door and knocked. Spike opened the door and said, "Good luck, bro." "Thanks, dude." I replied._ I may need it._


	17. Hold On, I Can Explain

**A/N I'm loving the positive reviews guys, I'm so grateful to everyone who doesn't hate this fic, just don't be afraid to give me some criticism, I love it and it's how I get better at writing. Anyway, we're getting to the final stages of setting up for the big journey-quest-thing so get hype! Please show some love by dropping a fav or something. This is the last sentence of this author's note.**

**Chapter 17: Hold On, I Can Explain**

"So Brony, Twi here says you have something important to tell us. What is it?" Rainbow Dash asked. _Oh, so I guess we're starting._ "Well everypony, take a seat. I have a _lot_ to tell you guys." I said. The six mares each sat down in a semicircle. "Ok, lemmie start at the beginning; I haven't been completely honest with you." I said. _Should I say I was a human? Cuz I _was _born a pony, eh, I'm pretty human. I was raised human so that's what I am. The circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant..._ _Oh Celestia, I have no idea how they're gonna take this. _"I'm a human." I said.

There was a collective gasp, and then the questions began. "What?" "But I thought…" "How did you…" What's a human?" Were just some of the questions I heard. "Chillax you guys, I'm going to explain. Do you guys remember when Twilight went through that portal to get her crown back?" I asked. "Yes, of course." Rarity said, "How do y'all know about that?" Applejack countered. _Dammit._ "I uh, Twilight told me." I responded. "Anyway, the world she went to, the world through the portal, that's _my_ world. Or at least the one I grew up in. It's complicated." I said, sighing. "Lemmie guess, you were born a pony but you had to go to the human world because your parents were in debt and then you got adopted and were raised in the human world but then you found a portal to this world and you came here." Pinkie said. _Holy shit._

"You are...exactly correct." I said in awe. But here's the deal, everypony here has a human counterpart and vice-versa. Everypony except me. That's why Princess Celestia gave me a mission: I have to close all 14 of the portals that link this world to the human world." I explained. "And why do you have to do that?" Dash asked. "Well, because humans have been wandering into this world." I said. "Is that bad?" Pinkie asked. "Very." I said, "When a human and their pony doppelganger meet, their brains melt from the shock." "Oh, that _is_ bad." Pinkie said as solemnly as Pinkie can say things. "So yeah, the thing is, the portals can only be closed from the human side, so I need to return to the human world to do it." I said. "Okay, what's yer point?" Applejack asked. _Well then._ "My point _is_, I wanted to know if you guys would want to come with me.

"I'm in." Rainbow said, almost immediately. "So am ah." Applejack said. "You already know I'm going." Twilight said. "Sounds like fun to me!" Pinkie said boisterously. "Oh, I suppose I couldn't turn down a vacation like that." Rarity said. "Fluttershy?" Twilight said, looking at her, "What about you?" "I don't know...it sounds a bit dangerous." Fluttershy said. "Dangerous? We took on an evil Princess, the god of chaos, and an evil king, I think we can handle a scavenger hunt." Rainbow Dash said. "Oh, I guess I can come with you. I just need someone to watch the critters." Fluttershy said. "And I need someone to watch Sweetie Belle." Rarity said. "And someone to take care of Tank." Rainbow said. "And Gummy!" Pinkie said. "And-" Applejack started, but I interrupted, "Yes, yes, I already figured everything out with Twilight. Twi, if you would." I said. "Yes. Fluttershy, Angel can hold down the fort at your place. Rarity, Sweetie Belle can stay with the Apples, same with Winoa, Gummy, and Tank." Twilight said. "Exactly, everything's sorted. We leave Saturday for Canterlot, the day after, we head through the portal." I said. "Alright, sounds good." Dash said.

Everyone began to get up, but Rarity turned towards me and asked, "Brony, if you don't mind my asking, are you...by any chance...a blank flank?" _Celestia-dammit._ I sighed, "Yeah, I am. I just haven't found what I'm really good at in life yet." I said. "Oh, alright." She said, "I just hadn't wanted to say anything." "I'm not embarrassed." I said. "Well that's good. There's no need to be ashamed of not having your cutie mark." Twilight said. _Exactly._ "Alrighty then, so I can expect to see you all here Saturday morning? We're taking the 7 am train." I said. "7 am!?" Rarity exclaimed, "Does it _really _have to be _that_ early?" "Well, yeah, it does. The princess said so, at least." I said. "You can sleep on the train there." Fluttershy offered. "I suppose I could." Rarity conceded. "So we're all set?" I asked. Everypony answered in the affirmative and filed out the door, back to their respective homes. "I should probably get back home, I have work tomorrow." I said. "Ok, I'll see you later, Brony." Twilight said. _That didn't hurt _too _much. Now I just have to prep everypony for being human._ _Cuz being human ain't easy._


	18. Preparations Must Be Made: Part One

**Holy shit! Long fucking chapter alert! In which Brony becomes works, thinks, talks, and does other stuff. Please review and follow the story to be alerted when I write more! Thanks to Ocarina of Time for providing the soundtrack that I wrote this to.**

**Chapter 18: Preparations Must Be Made**

I walked away from the library feeling pretty damn awesome. _I just need to get through work tomorrow, and then it's off to Canterlot, and after that, the human world. Wooo!_ I continued on my way to Sugarcube Corner when a thought occurred to me. _How the _fuck_ are we gonna find these portals? I mean, there's 14, all over the fucking world. Earth is a big place, how do we know where the portals are?_ I pondered this for the remainder of the trek back to the sweet shop I called home. I entered to find Mr. and Mrs. Cake clearing up for the night. "Hey guys." I said. "Hi, Brony." Mr. Cake replied, looking up from the table he was wiping. "Is it too late for a chocolate chip frappe?" I asked. "Of course not, hun. Comin' right up." Mrs. Cake said. "Thank you, Mrs. Cake." I helped Mr. Cake wipe the tables and put the chairs on the tables until Mrs. Cake came out with my frappe. I sipped it and said "Mmm, thanks again Mrs. Cake. Anyway, I'm gonna retire for the night, see you guys tomorrow." "G'night, Brony." Mr. Cake said.

I ascended the stairs and passed Pinkie's room, where I heard her singing her smile song. I started quietly singing along as I entered my room and dumped my satchel on the floor. _I would pack, but I don't really have anything _to _pack. I was gonna pimp my room too, but I should probably save my cash for the human world. I wonder if bits become human currency when they go through a portal...and if so, what type of money? _I sat on my bed and the springs squeaked under my weight._ Man, those freaking portals need to be less mysterious. I really hope Celestia fills us in at the briefing on Saturday. I wish I had a book to read or something. I wonder if Daring Do is all it's cracked up to be? I could stop by the library while I'm working tomorrow and pick up the first book. Ok, I'm sick of thinking, I'm just gonna go to bed._ So I magicked the covers on top of me and fell asleep.

I woke up the next morning at dawn and climbed out of bed, grabbed my satchel, got a coffee from Mr. Cake, got my first set of deliveries from Mrs. Cake, and set off for the day. _Man, it didn't take long for the crushing monotony of working life to take hold did it?_ Now don't get me wrong, I liked my job, it just got kinda monotonous. _Now I'm glad we're heading to Canterlot tomorrow. _I performed my duties until about lunchtime, grabbed a sub at a sandwich shop, ate, and resumed where I left off. _Man, I don't think this kind of job is for me. When (and if) I get back, I think I'll see if I can find a new job._

I finished my deliveries around 7 pm and headed over to the library to see if I could grab the book. I knocked on the door and Spike let me in. "Sup, dude." I said. He nodded in response and I entered. Twilight was reading a book and occasionally jotting notes down on some parchment.

"Hey, Twi." I said. She looked up and said, "Oh hello, Brony. Can I help you with something?" "Yeah," I said, "could I borrow the first Daring Do book?" "Oh, I don't think that's a great idea, seeing as we're going to Canterlot tomorrow. I really don't want the book getting lost or anything, y'know?" She asked. _Damn, I didn't really think of that._ "Yeah that makes sense. I'd just heard some good stuff about them and figured I'd give them a try." I said. Twilight's eyes widened as if she'd had a thought. "Hey Brony?" She asked. "Yeah?" I replied. "The human world has books too, right?" She asked nervously. _Typical Twilight._ "Of course it does, some of the best books in existence." I said pridefully. I may not have been born there, but I spent 14 years there. "What kinds of books?" She asked, sitting in an armchair. "All kinds, fiction, nonfiction, poetry, novels, encyclopedias, compendiums, and a bunch of other stuff." I said, with each word Twilight's eyes grew wider. "Really? Did you read when you were a human?" She asked, engrossed. "Hell yeah, I did! I loved reading, I still do." I said, sitting in a chair across from her. I heard Spike mutter something that sounded suspiciously like, "Nerds." and saw him go upstairs, presumably to bed. "What kind of books do you like best?" She asked. I thought for a second before saying, "Well, my favorite genre is fantasy, but I love sci-fi, biographies, poetry, and realistic fiction, too." "That's great, what's your favorite human book?" She asked. _Hmmmm, I really dunno…ooh, I know- _"The Fault in Our Stars, by John Green." I said with absolute certainty. "That sounds nice, what's it about?" She asked, her face showing nothing but curiosity. "Well…" I then launched into an hour-long explanation of the book, but I kept it spoiler-free in case she wanted to read it while we were human. "...and so it's really sad but also really beautiful." I concluded. "That sounds like a great book. I'll have to read it while we're in the human world." She said. "Yes, yes you will." I confirmed. "But, I don't know what your favorite book is." I said. "Ohmygosh, I have it right here." She said, magicking a book off the shelf and showing it to me. The title was _A History of Magic: From Conception to Current_. "That sounds pretty cool." I said. "It _is_." Twi responded, "It taught me so much about magic, I wouldn't be half as good at magic as I am if it wasn't for this book." She then gave me a brief summary of the book, but seeing as it was a brief summary of thousands of years of magic, it ended up not being very brief. She finally finished after about an hour, but I didn't mind, it sounded super interesting. "Sounds cool, I'll make sure to give it a read sometime." I said. "Good. I'll keep it on reserve for you." She said. "Thanks, Twi. Anywho, I should probably get going. I'll bet you have packing to do." I said, glancing at the clock.

_11:43!? Time! Why you do dis?_ "Actually, I've already packed." She said, gesturing towards a saddlebag. "Oh. Well, it's pretty late, so I should probably head home." I said, moving for the door. "Oh, you could stay the night here, I have a spare bed and things." She said. _That sounds like fun. Yeah, I think I'll do that._ "Alright, you convinced me." I said, smiling. I sent a note with Owlowiscious to the Cakes, telling them not to worry and that I'm staying with Twi and that I'm going on a trip for a while. Twilight and I both got into our (separate) beds, but neither of us could sleep so we ended up talking about Harry Potter and Daring Do and The Lord of The Rings and Pony Youth (a series about a club of blank flanks trying to get their cutie marks) and tons of other books until we both finally fell asleep at Celestia-knows-when.


	19. Preparations Must Be Made: Part Two

**A/N Sup, this is chapter 18. I had an idea and wanted to implement it.**

**EDIT: Yeah, I didn't really like the way the story was going so I kinda changed it. I know some people are gonna be pissed, but you guys can deal with it. I'm just hoping the majority of you guys prefer it this way.**

**Chapter 18: Preparations Must Be Made: Part Two**

I woke up from a really weird dream, I was a human and I was with the human Mane 6, but they all were pissed at me. I tried figuring out what was wrong but no one would tell me. I asked them over and over, "What did I _do_!?" I eventually chalked it up to women being women, and then I woke up.

I glanced out the window. _Damn, it's still dark._ I looked at the clock, straining to see it in the darkness. Then I remembered, _Oh wait, magic._ I cast a nightvision spell. It was 2 in the morning and it was cold as _shit_. My eyes crept over to Twilight, huddled in a ball under her covers. _Celestia, she's adorable. Not as adorable as Fluttershy, but still… I wonder if she's as cold as I am. I'm not used to being so damn cold, maybe ponies have a lower core temperature or something. I wonder if she'd be pissed if I crawled into the bed next to her. She might think I was coming onto her, though. Maybe I am...I mean, Dashie's cool and all, but I'm not really the sporty type. Oh Celestia, fucking conflicting emotions need to fuck everything up! _ I thought for a few seconds before I decided. _Y'know what, Dash and I aren't official, I can do what I want. _And with that, I climbed out of bed onto the floor, which was _fucking cold_, and crept slowly towards Twilight and slithered carefully into her bed, taking great care as not to wake her up.

She shifted. _Shitshitshit._ Her eyes opened slowly and focused on me. "I was cold." I whispered. "It's ok. So was I." She whispered back, smiling at me. _So, I guess she's unaware of the potential sexuality, or doesn't care._ _I wonder if she'd be freaked out if I asked to cuddle._ I love cuddling, I feel like it's the best way of saying, "Hey, I really like you". "Well," Twilight said. "What?" I asked. "Do you wanna cuddle with me or not?" She asked impatient-sounding. I could tell she was playing from her soft smile. "Sure." I said. So we scooted closer and faced eachother and I wrapped my front legs around her. She did the same. "This is warmer." I commented. "Yes it is." She agreed. We laid together, in eachother's embrace, until we fell asleep once more. My last thought before surrendering to sleep's onslaught was, _This is nice._

I was awoken after what felt like seconds by Twilight gently nudging me and whispering, "Up and at 'em, Brony." "Guuuh...whaaa?" Were my first words of the day. "Exactly." She said, "So let's go. The train leaves in an hour." I regained my wits and said, "Oh, ok. I'm pretty much ready, so whenever you're ready, we can leave." "You don't want a shower or anything?" She asked. _Well, I probably should. _I'd showered at Sugarcube Corner, of course, but I was unsure about showering here. "Yeah, I guess." I said, "You can go first, I don't wanna use up all the hot water." "Alright, sounds good. I shouldn't be too long." She said. "Coolio." I said, and sat down in a nice easy chair adjacent to the guest bed. She exited the bathroom a few minutes later and I showered. It felt good to just let the water run down my sides and I just chilled in the water whilst I magicked the soap around in order to wash myself. _Just another cool part of being a unicorn._ I finished washing and turned the water off. I dried my coat and mane with a towel that was on a shelf across from the tub. _Welp, time to start the day._


End file.
